I'm Scared You'll Forget Me
by Emono
Summary: After the Expo, Pepper found out her Nat was actually Agent Romanova. She's left heartbroken. Natasha comes back to explain herself but an intoxicated Pepper isn't reasonable. They make a bad decision, Natasha's called away on a mission, and Pepper finds herself right back where she started. Can Natasha make it right? Femslash, smut, alcohol, angst, love. EVER FALLEN 'VERSE
1. Chapter 1

**This takes place at roughly the same time as the epilogue from "Ever Fallen in Love With Someone?", link is found on my profile **

**There will be a lemon-y thing in here, so if it's not your thing please feel free to skip. I know plenty of people who don't do the sex, it's totally okay - I am one of them :)**

* * *

Pepper eyed her new assistant as he approached, trying to keep the scowl off her face. Her hand had been forced once she realized Natalie was gone and she'd chosen the first resume in the stack of people she'd tried to get Tony to hire. The man (Thomas Madden) was soft-spoken with beautiful hay colored hair that curled delicately across his ears. He had honest eyes and a soft jaw, almost pretty.

Pepper hated him the moment she laid eyes on him.

"Ma'am?" Thomas chirped "The reports."

"Thank you, Mr. Madden" Pepper took the stack from him.

"Is there anything else I can get for you?" he inquired, tablet cradled in the crook of his elbow.

"That will be all for now" she assured him, thumbing through the top report to find better developed plans for Stark Tower self-sustenance. Tony must've worked out his anger at S.H.I.E.L.D. if he was working on the clean energy angle again. After his talk with Fury he'd burrowed down into the lab for three days, she'd finally gotten him to go visit Empire State University and present them with their grant. She barely cared for those kinds of runs anymore, but that's why she'd made Tony agree to help.

It still hurt. Her heart was still a raw mesh, her nerves were fried, and she still couldn't go one day without thinking about _her._ It had stopped being unbearable after the first few hours, beyond that time had decided to move at a crawl. Every morning she woke up like she'd been buried in sand, and every night she'd sit with her wine and stare out the window like the woman would just _show_ _up_ there.

Pepper slammed her fist on the table, the assistant jumped at the sudden sound.

This was ridiculous! She was a grown woman, she'd gone through a dozen break-ups with men she'd been with for months. This was a random fling with a woman she'd only kissed twice. A woman who had lied and snuck around behind her back, a woman who had purposely fooled her. She did the unforgivable. It was a cruel human act to trick someone's heart into loving you, only to leave.

"Miss. Potts, may I say you look lovely today" Thomas said sweetly.

Pepper shot him a glare, "Remember your place, Mr. Madden."

Thomas shivered at the icy tone, "Yes, ma'am, I'm sorry."

The woman rubbed two fingers across her forehead, a headache building up in the base of her temple. Her tired mind conjured up an image of Natasha...no, _Natalie._ It was Natalie laying down two pills and a glass of water for her, silent but reassuring nonetheless. Silent but sure, she'd always known _exactly_ what she needed _when_ she needed it.

A heavy weight settled in Pepper's chest, she opened her eyes to find only the obnoxiously pretty face of her new assistant.

"Go home, Thomas" Pepper breathed, dragging the edge of her nails across her hairline "I'm leaving early today."

The blonde lifted his tablet and started pecking at it, "Do you want me to move your meetings tomorrow morning to-?"

"I said, go home!" the woman barked, he jumped and she lowered her voice to a rolling growl "I don't want to look at you anymore."

"Miss. Potts?" he whispered.

"Your _face_. It hurts my head" Pepper spat "Get out of my office or I'll fire you."

Thomas skittered out of the office, hair practically white in fright. She tossed a scowl in his direction, head falling back against the back of the chair. She didn't have the patience for this. A new assistant, her old job as a Vice, and now no beautiful woman to organize her life. On top of all that she had to live with the overwhelming sense of shame that came with being seduced by a female agent of a secret weapons organization.

Pepper turned in her seat, looking out the wide window at the city below. The night she'd cried in Tony's arms had been the last time she'd dealt with this festering rage and hurt inside her. She wasn't the kind of woman to whine and wail over a broken heart. She wasn't even the type to admit she _had_ a broken heart.

Pepper twisted her fingers in her necklace, the metal links cutting into the skin of her neck.

She needed to release some steam or she was going to end up destroying this entire Tower from the inside out.

**xXx**

Pepper's building was better guarded then it had been a month ago. Natasha was sure the older woman wouldn't appreciate her killing/incapacitating her hired help so she had to get created. She needed to see the ex-CEO at least once before she left. She had no idea when the call would come but her cell was tucked deep into her pocket in anticipation. Natasha had been watching the woman for the past week and she was _not_ pleased with what she saw. Her replacement, some men called 'Madden', had quickly fallen in love with Pepper. Her old desk was still bugged so she'd decided to listen in, learn his character, only to find out that behind that angel face was a lusty demon. Between his texts (which she'd illegally hacked into) and the chatter with his co-workers, this _Madden_ was positively infatuated with his boss.

And that's why Natasha found herself crawling through filthy air vents, face pinched up and curls fathering dust as she drug herself along on her belly. It was dark but the schematics she'd memorized earlier were still burned in the back of her mind. The thought of that air-headed pretty boy trying to seduce Pepper drove her on. Like that idiot could ever be good enough for her!

Natasha bumped her elbow on a corner and she hissed at the jolt of pain. Sneaking into non-hostile territory was more of Barton's thing, she was more of an infiltrate-undercover-and-rip-out-the-core type of girl.

After what felt like hours crammed into the small space, Natasha found the panel she was looking for. She gave it a swift punch and it gave, swinging open on a hinge with a creak. The agent dropped down silently, eyes sweeping over the living room for any sign of danger. Her fingers closed around the knife strapped to her thigh and her senses went on high alert when she spotted how wrecked the home looked.

The cushions from the chairs were scattered across the floor, the ones left on the couch were split open and spewing fluff. All the little glass trinkets from the mantel were shattered and littered along the wall. Knickknacks and books were strewn about as well, one bookcase even sporting broken shelves. It looked almost like a struggle. She could hear soft sounds coming from down the hall, probably the bedroom.

A dozen scenarios played through Natasha's mind, a few in particular turned her sight blood red. Anyone could be in there but her mind supplied a burly man, one who could easily wrap his large hands around Pepper's delicate throat. It could be an assassin in there, smothering her or-

Natasha's lips curled into a snarl as she abandoned her knife for her pistol. That strange man could easily be after something darker. She closed her eyes for a moment and she could see it perfectly. Pepper pinned under the man's weight, a hand clamped over her mouth while another ripped through her shirt. Those sounds could be muffled sobs and pleads for mercy.

The thought made her sick.

Natasha moved quickly through the condo, gun aimed tight and steady ahead of her. She stopped outside the bedroom, silently counting to three before charging in. All those scenarios dissolve, what she found was different and more difficult to handle. She couldn't save Pepper from this.

Pepper was sitting cross legged on her bed, dark panties and top pulled tight across her hips and chest. She had a frosted bottle cradled between her bare thighs, an empty glass clutched in her hand and pressed against her cheek. She looked defeated, the crimson liquor staining her mouth and fingers in her sloppy haste to devour as much of it as she could. There were bruises blooming across her knuckles along with little nicks from the trinkets. Those crystal blue eyes were wet and stained as red as her drink at the edges. The woman was slow to notice she was there but once she did some panic cut through her buzz.

The two stared at one another for the longest time, Natasha lowered her gun and set it on the table to show she meant no harm. She must've looked intimidating bursting in with a weapon like that, especially in her leather S.H.I.E.L.D. suit.

Pepper picked up the frosted bottle and poured herself another glass, "It reminded me of your hair. Thought it was appropriate."

"You're a pretty articulate drunk" Natasha winced as the words slipped out, that had _not_ been what she had planned on saying.

Pepper took a long drink, staring at the agent like she wasn't exactly sure of her presence.

"Pepper" Natasha began slowly "They told you who I am, didn't they?"

The younger woman didn't even flinch when the glass whizzed by her head, a spatter of liquor landing across her sleeve. She looked to it then back at Pepper, the woman had the rim of the bottle to her mouth now.

"Nice throw" she tried to smile "Softball?"

Pepper nearly drained it, wrenching away when the burn became too much and she gagged. She tossed the bottle over the foot of the bed and screwed up her face, head swimming dangerously. She wasn't nauseas but she was numb, and that was all that mattered. Was she hallucinating? She felt like it.

"I know I shouldn't just barge in like this, but we can't ignore what happened" Natasha hated how old she sounded, like she was the responsible one "Just talk to me."

Pepper took a long, slow breath, "Did you have a good laugh?"

Natasha's brows knitted, "Pep, you're drunk. I don't know-"

"Did you tell all of your little secret agent friends about me?" the ex-CEO ran her knuckles over her lips, her smile so wide it felt like it was cracking her face "Did you make it a good story?"

Natasha stepped closer, ready to protest.

"Did you tell them how you completely fooled Stark's CEO?" Pepper was on the verge of a ramble, a few tears slipping from the corners of her bright eyes "How you swooped in and just..._ruined_ everything? Did you tell them how perfect you were? How flawless?"

Natasha's hands balled into fists at her sides, "What do you want me to say?"

"I want you to tell me how hard you laughed!" Pepper roared, springing out of the bed and snatching the bottle off the floor. She hurled it at the agent, the toss accurate enough to make the woman dodge.

"Calm down" Natasha urged her, reaching for the woman's hands in hopes to calm her with a touch "I know you're hurt, I know you're upset, but if you just listen to me-"

"_Listen_ to you?" Pepper ripped away from the other's smooth hands "How can I listen to you when all you've ever done is lie to me?!"

The agent paused, "I know. Almost everything I've ever told you is a lie."

The older woman made a sound between a sob and a growl, swinging at Natasha as if to smack her. The shorter red head acted on instinct, ducking and catching Pepper around the middle to tackle her back on the bed. Pepper thrashed and screamed at her to get off of her, sharp nails digging at any piece of flesh she could find. Natasha grabbed her wrists and pinned them easily, straddling the woman's waist to avoid the kicking legs. The ex-CEO wasn't nearly as strong as her but she was practically bucking, it was hard to keep her pinned.

"I should've known, I shouldn't have been so _stupid_!" Pepper raged, fighting tooth and nail to wrench her hands back so she could scratch out those knowing eyes.

"You're _not_ stupid."

"You were too perfect" Pepper sounded wrecked, heart-throbbing frustration bleeding through her anger "_Everything_ was too perfect."

Natasha sat up, managing to catch the other's gaze and hold it, "I was paid to be perfect."

"Oh I know what you were _paid_ to do" Pepper spat "If Steve hadn't been there you would've _done_ _it_ just fine."

Realization was starting to bloom in the agent's mind, "Are you talking about Stark?"

"Of course I'm talking about him" Pepper glared, the heat of it dulled by the tears in her eyes "Your job was to get into his life, right? What better way than through me. God, my whole damn _life_ revolves around him!"

Pepper screwed her eyes shut, voice lowering to a self-deprecating murmur, "Why did I think this would be any different? _That's_ stupid."

"I wasn't supposed to sleep with Stark" Natasha gasped, getting distracted by the feeling of the woman's slim waist squirming between her thighs "If my CO had found out about our encounter, he would've pulled me out of there. I wasn't supposed to seduce you. That kiss...it was a mistake."

Pepper made a sound like she'd been punched in the gut, Natasha felt her heart drop into her stomach.

"Well I'm glad to have been an accident" Pepper snarked, hiding her hurt behind a mask "I must've been a God-send, I made your job ten times easier."

"Easier?" Natasha bit out, the harsh edge of her tone sending goosebumps up the older woman's arms "You almost made me break cover. Do you have any idea how hard that is? Do you know how many people would envy you for getting so far under my skin?"

Pepper faltered, anger fading out just enough to reveal a glimmer of hope, "Some of that was real?"

The younger woman released her charge, sitting up just a moment to control herself. Natasha found herself overflowing with a breathless mixture of anger and lust, her heart racing in her chest. A part of her wanted to calm down and explain but another part, a darker part, just wanted to pin her down and kiss her senseless. Didn't Pepper understand she wasn't the only one hurting from the mission?

Nails caught her across the cheek, barely breaking skin. She snarled and struck hard, wrapping a hand around the woman's throat and raising her up _just_ enough to cut off some air. Pepper gasped sweetly and grabbed the agent's wrist, a surprised touch but not one to fight the assault.

"Do you think I wanted this?" Natasha demanded "I didn't want to kiss you. I didn't want to be at your side all the time, and I certainly didn't want to like it so much. I didn't plan to hold your hand...and I didn't know it would feel so _right._ I wasn't supposed to tell you about Clint and how much I could've loved him. I didn't _want_ to! Don't you understand?"

She eased Pepper back onto the bed, the older woman's hand stayed on her arm. It grounded Natasha, giving her something to focus on.

"Do you really think I wanted to jeopardize my cover like that?" her tone softened "To undo months of planning just to share a bit of my life, my _real_ life, with you?"

"Why did you do it?" Pepper searched the younger woman's face, that raw need for touch and comfort bubbling back to the surface "If I was just a slip up...why did you make me fall in love with you?"

Natasha dipped down, tilting her head as if to deliver a kiss, "You're the best mistake I've ever made."

It was like an audible _crack_, the tension collapsed and swamped them in a terrible _want_ neither had felt before. Natasha pulled her up into a kiss, long fingers tangling into her curls and gripping tight. It was messy and it tasted like raw cinnamon liquor but it was what they needed. Pepper bucked up and rolled them, their mouths still fused while the agent's fingers crept under the other's dark shirt.

"You're an ass" Pepper growled when she pulled away, yanking her shirt off impatiently "You can't just kiss me like you did and _leave._ I had this whole night planned for the two of us, there was wine and I had a whole plan to get you into bed."

"I'm here" Natasha panted, hands working up the woman's body. After months of fantasies she was finally here, the skin beneath her palms just as soft as she'd imagined. Cinnamon colored locks fell beautifully across her freckled skin, it was almost too much to have this kind of beauty straddling her hips.

"Yeah, _now_" Pepper snapped, the bite of it dying when finger skimmed just beneath her breasts. She moaned, eyes falling shut as she gave into the sensations. Pleasure sizzled across her nerves, her hips rocking in a subconscious need for friction.

"Nat..."

The desperate plea had Natasha sitting up and wrapping her arms around the woman, the slide of leather and flesh getting another moan out of her. She mouthed hotly at Pepper's neck, the hand in her hair twisting almost painfully.

/That's it, _edesem_/ Natasha raked her teeth across the jut and curve of her lover's collarbone, the taste of cinnamon liquor bursting across her tongue /Let me close./

Pepper couldn't look, she could barely breath. After two weeks of constant moping and silent self-pity she finally had what she wanted. Natasha's hair was like silk between her fingers, the woman's mouth searing a path down to her breasts. Teeth and tongue teased the tender skin, a stuttering whine escaping her throat at the contact. How long had it been since someone had held her like this and laved such sweet attention upon her? Natasha's finger stroked up and down her back, nails grazing the skin and sending shivers along her spine.

Natasha snagged a hard nub between her teeth, biting just hard enough to get the other to moan. Two hands settled on her shoulders and pushed her to lay flat, she allowed it with a small grin.

"You better have a hot body to make up for those shitty morals" Pepper uttered, reminding them both just how drunk she was. She grabbed the zipper on the woman's suit and pulled it down, biting down on her lip as the plump curves of the younger woman's chest was revealed. They were larger than her own, an ideal body to model and seduce with. She was too drunk to feel any shame about her slighter body. How could she complain when she had this goddess underneath her?

Pepper found herself flipped on her back and it was all over from there. They huffed and sighed as more flesh was revealed, the S.H.I.E.L.D. suit eventually found itself on the floor along with the other more intimate articles of clothing. It was desperate and graceless, their grip was too hard and their kisses were too sharp, their breath came too fast.

Pepper was starting to fade in and out, he alcohol ruining her vision but enhancing her sense of touch. Every kiss and brush of fingers felt like fire, every groan rumbled through their chests like thunder. It was intoxicating and upsetting, her mind was erasing and fast forwarding through something she'd been wanting oh so desperately.

Pepper cried out and arched up high off the bed, coming back to reality full force when two fingers slipped inside her. Natasha's strokes were firm and sure, her mouth kissing at the soft skin of her flat belly. She tried to tell the younger woman to stop, to wait, she wanted more time – but all that came from her lips were pleads for more. It was maddening, the heat building up in her chest and along her thighs signaling she was close to losing everything.

Too fast, too much...

Natasha's mouth closed over one of her nipples, biting down again and sending hot sparks up through her head and down into her groin. It was enough to send her over. The way the woman's fingers crooked and filled her, the insistent suckling on her most sensitive parts, and then the brush of a soft thumb across her clit. A dam broke in her heart, emotions soaring as high as her pleasure.

Pepper kept her hand buried in her lover's scarlet ringlets, whimpering her name over and over between soft pleas to stay.

"Nat...Nat, _oh_, please...don't go, can't take it...Natasha, it's so..."

**xXx**

It was hours later in the prime of night when the phone rang. It was only three beeps but it was enough to make green eyes snap open, a soft gasp escaping the younger woman as she was ripped from the depth in sleep. Natasha rolled over to the side of the bed and reached down to her suit, digging the cellphone out of her pocket with the least amount of effort possible. She checked the number, rolling her eyes before answering it.

"I'm here" was all she said, listening to Coulson's voice with as much attention as she could muster "Great. How's New Mexico?"

Natasha vaguely paid attention to the situation down there, something about a hammer and mythology. She rolled over until she was propped up on her other side, finding her bedmate still fast asleep. They were both bare from last night's activity's, reeking like sex and and spoiled cinnamon. The encounter had been sloppy but the passion had more than made up for it. She hadn't wanted their first time to be under the influence but the option to wait was off the table. Natasha knew she came with the intentions to make things right between them...and it wasn't if Pepper had said 'no' or anything.

The more she tried to rationalize it the worse it sounded.

"How soon until I'm expected?" Natasha inquired quietly, cradling the phone between her ear and shoulder. She laid one hand along Pepper's warm back, slowly stroking the sleep-warm flesh. There were little marks visible along the older woman's shoulders, a mix of hickies and scratch marks decorating the length of her neck. Natasha smiled, satisfied that Pepper's mark on her own heart was now reflected on the woman's skin.

Though more than a little drunk, Pepper had kept going far longer than she'd expected. The woman had been relentless about touching every inch of her, and for someone who hadn't been with a woman before she knew how to give as good as she got. Pepper's mouth had been hot on her lips, forcing a hard climax out of the agent after just a minute.

Natasha must've moaned because Coulson suddenly sounded uncomfortable, "I'm fine. Are you sending the jet? Good. I'll see you an hour."

Natasha closed the phone and set it down, figuring out just what to say. She curled her fingers in that beautiful cinnamon colored hair and opened her mouth to call to her, but the phone went off again. Natasha let the woman go to pick back up the phone, finding a simple text from Fury that told her to leave without contact. The mission was time and cover sensitive, she needed to be on that plane and briefed within fifteen minutes.

Natasha looked to Pepper's sleeping face. This was wrong, this was so wrong, but it would take too long to calm the woman down. She cared about Pepper, maybe more than she'd like to admit, but the job came first.

"I'm sorry, _edesem_" Natasha dropped a kiss on the woman's shoulder blade before sliding out of bed, struggling to keep quiet as she dressed. She caught sight of herself in the mirror and stopped. Her cheek was marked with four lines, two showing signs of blood while the others were merely stained red. That's right, Pepper had struck her...it was the catalyst that had gotten their clothes off.

It seemed fitting to start out their relationship with bloodshed.

* * *

**Okay, so...here's...****_something_****. The next chapter will be written better, I promise, and it should be up soon. I know, I made you wait a week for this, but unforunately ****_this_**** is all I have. It takes me forever to write lemons, not to mention I've never written femslash so this is a little harder for me.**

**_edesem_**** = Hungarian for 'sweetheart'**


	2. Chapter 2

**Please ignore the spelling mistakes for at least two days, I'm going to read over it tomorrow but I edit it better when it's already posted. Like a "other people can see this, here's a thousand mistakes" method. Try to enjoy with mistakes, I will fix it soon**

* * *

Pepper awoke with a pounding headache and sunlight pouring into her face. She growled and rolled over, reaching out to grab Natasha by the hair and make her close the damn curtains. Her fingers fell through empty space and landed on cool sheets, her face screwed up in displeasure.

"Nat?" Pepper rasped, managing to sit up and look around with bleary eyes. The smell of sausage and eggs reached her nose, making her just a tad bit nauseas but getting her stomach to growl. She hadn't eaten since...too long ago apparently if she couldn't remember off the top of her head. She pulled the sheet off the bed and managed to wrap it around herself in a sloppy toga, wincing when she nearly fell over. This wasn't how she'd wanted their first time to go but she wasn't about to turn down some awkward breakfast conversation.

/It'll be fine/ Pepper assured herself, shuffling toward the door /We'll be silent for a while, I'll apologize, she'll apologize, then we can just fix this whole mess. I was _so_ drunk. Maybe I should start off by telling her I'm not usually that awful in bed?/

Pepper managed a chuckle but the sound hurt her head and turned into a groan. She covered her eyes against the day's glare as she got closer to the kitchen, the scent of breakfast suddenly more appealing. She passed a glass case and took a moment to look herself over, admiring the marks she remembered and pondering over the ones she didn't. She was such a lightweight when it came to harder liquor, she probably wouldn't remember the whole thing for days. Her fingers ached from trashing her living room, she was going to need band-aids for them.

Pepper lifted her heft of hair to expose her neck, smiling weakly when she saw the blood-red teeth ring just above her jugular. Heat flashed through her lower belly, hit by the memory of Natasha fisting her hair high above her head and biting down savagely. Pepper would've never guessed in a million years that she would enjoy such a thing. Having another person pin her down and make _take_ it...it was a terrible thrill. One she hoped to repeat, only sober this time.

Pepper kept on, clutching her sheet just a little bit tighter when she heard two voices coming from the kitchen. There was a rough male laugh, she heard it again and realized it was Tony. She reached the doorway and leaned against it, squinting around the kitchen to find her boss sitting on the kitchen counter tearing through her mini-muffins. Steve was at the stove cooking, both laughing about something the soldier had said that she'd missed.

Tony caught sight of her, "Hey, Sleeping Beauty. We're here."

"Not-" Pepper's voice cracked, she cleared her throat and wished she wasn't so dehydrated "Not that I don't appreciate it, but why?"

"You texted me before you left work yesterday" Tony tossed a muffin up in the air, missing it and scowling when it fell to the floor "You said you were going to drink and we had to drag your pert ass out of bed. No matter what."

Steve gave her a blinding smile, "Breakfast will be ready in a minute."

"That's great, Steve, thanks" Pepper couldn't help return some of the man's cheer though she felt like a wrung out cloth "Have you guys seen Natasha?"

Tony paused in shooting the muffin wrapper into the open trash can, "Pep...she left after the Expo. It's been almost four weeks."

"She came back last night" Pepper could feel her chest tightening up, denial swamping her common sense "She's probably just in the shower or something."

Steve turned off the stove, "There's no one here. I came by on my morning jog to make sure you were okay, I checked on you for a moment and you were alone. The sun had just risen."

The woman tightened her grip on the sheet, using it like a shield, "No clothes? No note?"

"Nothing" Steve seemed uneasy, like it was his fault "I'm sorry, Miss. Potts. I cleaned up before Tony came over...there was no sign of her."

Tony saw it coming and hopped off the counter, "Pep? Pepper!"

He caught the woman before she collapsed, cradling her as gently as he could with her dead weight. Her eyes were glassed over, her hands falling limp into her lap. Tony held her close with one arm while the other busied itself wrapping the sheet tighter around her body, hiding the naked flesh and protecting her modesty.

"Did she put these marks on you?" Tony tried not to scowl as he lifted her chin, examining her neck "Fuck, she really did a number on you."

"I let her" Pepper intoned, hanging her head to let her hair shield the despair on her face from the soldier "Can you take me back to my bedroom? I'm a little hung-over."

Tony tried to be jovial about it, picking her up bridal style while mouthing 'pills' and 'water' at the soldier. He carried one of his dearest friends all the way back to her bed, laying her down carefully and accepting the items Steve handed to him. He gestured the blonde out, waiting until the door closed before he spoke.

"Here" Tony forced the medicine down her throat, tipping in some water "Swallow."

Pepper chuckled bitterly, "Usually you're the pathetic one in bed."

"Well I feel fine and you look like you've been hit with a mac-truck" Tony sat down on the edge, giving her plenty of room "So _you_ get to laze around all day."

Pepper pulled more blankets up and around her, burying herself in their warmth until only her head and the tips of her fingers were exposed. Even with the flush of her hangover and the sunlight falling in angles over her bed there was a chill, a cold that crept into her bones and wouldn't leave.

"Don't look at me like that" Pepper couldn't even manage to snap.

"Like what?" he replied, as non-chalant as ever even though he was watching his best friend's world crash down around her.

"Like you know everything" Pepper pressed her cheek to her knees, wrapping her arms around her legs beneath the blanket "You don't, so quit it."

"I'm not looking like anything" Tony dropped his eyes on the bedspread, smoothing out a wrinkle "This is my face, this is how I look. No thanks to you, slapping me around like you do."

"I know" the red head wiped her damp eyes on the blanket "I thought I was done crying over her."

"So you let her in here?" Tony's voice was light but his implication was serious, that Pepper had actually _let_ Natasha in instead of the agent forcing her way into this bed.

"I wanted it" Pepper assured him, reaching down and blanketing his hand "I wanted it more than..."

The genius's smile was small, "She really tore you up, didn't she?"

"Tony, it's not that bad, re-"

"I meant on the inside."

Pepper shut her mouth, ripping her hand away like she'd been cut, "Don't start."

"Why not?" Tony needled, scooting closer "You helped me when I was juggling all that emotional crap with Spangles in there, what makes this so different?"

"It's not the same" Pepper hissed but didn't move away "Steve didn't fuck and dump you."

Tony ignored his surprise over the curse, "True. But he's not exactly a super cool spy, is he? Natasha's just a different challenge."

"There's no challenge, there's no _game_, it's over" Pepper confessed, slapping his hand away when it reached for her "This isn't the same, Tony! She came over, she apologized, we fucked, she left. Steve would _never_ lie to you!"

Tony pulled her into a hug, uncertainty etched all over his face, "Pep..."

"That's all she's ever done to me" the red head sobbed quietly into her boss's shoulder, hiding her face in his shirt "She just keeps _lying_ and I keep _believing_ her. I wanted it to work, I wanted her to come back. I wanted to have it all. I was too greedy, Tony...I didn't get anything..."

Tony held on tighter, wishing he knew what to say or do to fix this. This woman was so incredible and she deserved the best but this was something he'd only failed at. They'd tried it years ago but it had been a disaster, he'd cheated on her and Pepper had never _once_ cried over it. This was someone she loved, someone she'd really trusted, someone who'd understood her...

"I just wanted someone to love me for real" Pepper's keened, lungs seizing tight in her chest "And I wanted it to be her."

This was a completely broken heart.

**xXx**

Pepper carried on, surpassing both Steve and Tony's expectations.

The next day she went to the store and complete cover-up. She wore her hair down, she replaced everything she'd broke in the apartment, and she made up a story about trying to assemble her new bookshelves to explain the bruising and little cuts on her fingers. She laughed but it was too loud, she managed to be civil to be civil to Thomas but it was so insincere it came off as cold.

Pepper went home that night and stripped naked, standing in front of her mirror to examine every mark on her body. She ran her fingertips over red scratch lines and discolored patches of flesh. She repeated this ritual every night until she remembered everything. She remembered how she was pushed down on her belly, a strong thigh between her own forcing her to spread her legs. How sharp nails had raked down her back, her neck, her stomach...how Natasha had kissed the hurt out of each bite.

Those first few weeks were the worst, reliving that night over and over until it became a bittersweet movie in her head.

Nearly two months later, like every night, Pepper stripped down and found every inch of her healed. The welt on her neck, the one she touched everyday, had vanished. Every hickey, every scratch, every discoloration..._gone_. There wasn't a trace of Natasha left on her skin. Alone in her apartment, without the everyday pressure of getting on with her self baring down around her, she cried.

After that it all became rather dull. It was like all the color had drained out of life, leaving behind a sepia-shaded boredom. Go to work, run the company, go to meetings, set up charities, be nice, laugh on queue, get Tony to do his job, breathe, smile, _breathe_. The thrill, the excitement, the _is-she-looking-at-me?_ wasn't there anymore. It felt like someone had pulled the cork out of the bottom of her heart, she was empty. She played her part and she played it well, she even managed to fool Tony a few times. But every faux-laugh was like a jab into the core of her soul.

But it was her own fault. Everyone offered to help and she shoved them away, she slapped words like 'fine' and 'over it' all over her and hoped her friends fell for it. They didn't believe it for a moment. It was a macabre play of normalcy, far from delicate but grating nonetheless.

**xXx**

Pepper broke only once, she called Coulson.

"_Pepper, it's good to hear your voice. What can I-_?"

"I know about Natasha."

Coulson faltered at that, "_She told me you two had grown close. I'm sorry you found out this way_."

She scowled, "Well that's wonderful, everyone knows."

Coulson's frown was in his voice, "_Pepper_-"

"Save it" her voice wavered "Just tell me...is she safe? Wherever she is...is she okay?"

Coulson sighed, obviously wanting to say more, "_She's fine_."

Pepper hung up, a relieved sob bursting from her lips.

So Natasha was alive and safe, she just didn't want to be alive and safe _here_ with her.

**xXx**

Pepper was in Tony's living room when she cracked her heel.

She growled in frustration and tossed her tablet on the table, plopping down on the couch to examine her shoes. The left heel was cracked up along the arch, just barely disconnected. Pepper bared her teeth and yanked it off, prodding it for a moment before slamming it down on the edge of the glass table. She struck it again and again, getting only a little satisfaction when it snapped.

Pepper was taking off the other shoe when Tony came up from the lab, a glass of Jack to his lips. Grease stained his sleeveless shirt, oil slicked the bottom of his bare feet. He left a dark trail in his wake, staining whatever he touched.

"I think I bought you those" Tony slurred.

"And _now_" Pepper grunted, the end of the shoe breaking off "They're a matching set again."

Tony scoffed before taking another drink, ice clinking loudly. She cut him a glare, tossing her broken shoe at it's mate with a satisfying clunk.

"I thought you gave up drinking" Pepper observed, a sharp bite to her tone "You're going to piss off Captain Straightedge and _I'm_ going to hear about it."

"You get pissier the longer you're single" Tony brandished a letter smudged in grease and scrunched up in his fist "And I doubt Spangles will have time to worry about a glass of JD while he's out getting himself killed in S.H.I.E.L.D.S. honor."

Pepper was about to give a hot retort when she realized just what she'd heard, "Where's Steve?"

"S.H.I.E.L.D. recruited him and sent him off to some fuckin' jungle in South America" Tony collapsed on the couch, wincing when the next drink burned his throat "Cyclops must've got to him while I was in the lab."

That struck a nerve with her, "He just _left_?"

Tony unfurled his fingers to reveal the smeared note, "He tried to wake me up this morning. I told him it could wait, I was just so fuckin' tired. I found this on my desk."

Pepper sank into the sofa, kicking her heels up onto the table, "How long?"

Tony blinked down into his glass, swirling the amber liquid.

"Tony!"

He looked up like he was surprised she was still there.

Pepper smiled encouragingly, "How long will he be gone?"

"He says he could be gone for months" Tony drained his glass and let it fall from his fingers, letting it roll across the floor "Can you believe it? Fucking _months_, Pep. That ungrateful bastard left on some farfetched mission for who knows how long for what? Fury? Fury's not the one who gave him a roof and food and his...his God damn _identity_ back!"

"He wants to do good" the woman pointed out "Just let him."

Tony scrubbed a hand over his face, "Fury rejected 'Tony Stark' for this secret super hero program he's doing."

Pepper thought it over, "I'm honestly not surprised."

"Fuck you" Tony spat viciously, she froze at the cold tone "He didn't reject Iron Man, he just said no to my narcissistic/impulsive/doesn't-play-well-with-others alter ego. He said I wasn't their kind of hero. I told them they couldn't have Captain America without Tony Stark...and that one-eyed fucker snuck in here and put a bug in Rogers' ear."

"You made an ass of yourself in front of the director of S.H.I.E.L.D" Pepper reiterated "Why would you say that? You know Steve would go to them sooner or later, with or without you."

"I thought it was true" dark eyes fell to the floor, a rare confusion furrowing his brow "I was so _sure_ he wouldn't go. I told him Fury didn't want me to be an agent. The bastard showed sympathy, for Christ's sake."

"You cuss a lot more when he's not around" Pepper mused, idly watching her stocking graze the edge of the table "And when you drink."

Tony looked disappointed, "The old Pepper would've been helpful."

"The old Pepper didn't feel like a bruise" she replied without thinking, wincing at her choice of words "I'm sorry...I'm just tired."

"Me too, Pep" Tony cracked a smile, it looked like it hurt "Want to come hide in the lab with me. I've got the Mark VII opened up."

Pepper nodded silently, managing to smile back, "Yeah, I'd like that."

**xXx**

It happened on a Friday.

Pepper went through her regular routine, setting up her Vice persona with each brush of her hair and the slide of clothing. Happy drove her to the Tower, she took an early meeting, and lived. It was normal, too normal, she should've known something was off. The meeting had gone by too fast, her coffee was too good, and there was a quiet disposition about around the office.

No threat to the city, the news channels were painfully dull, and the front wheel of her chair had stopped squeaking. Nothing spectacular, nothing worth noticing.

Pepper left for a second meeting and came back to find her office smelling of saffron and stuffed to the brim with an overwhelming pressure.

There was a woman standing in there, a short leather jacket stretched tight across the breadth of her shoulders. Shades were perched on top of short crimson curls, the tresses stopping just at the peek of pale neck above her coat.

Pepper paused at the door, eyes glued to the mysterious woman, "Madden...did you miss one of my appointments?"

The man was too busy dabbing his lip with a handkerchief, the cloth stained with blood.

Pepper quickly shut the door and locked it, expression hardening when she realized just what situation she was in. Her gun, her mace...it was all in her purse, shoved deep within her desk. She raised her chin and pushed back her shoulders, trying to steel herself for whatever was about to happen. She prayed JARVIS had already sent a warning to Tony about the intruder, all she had to do was buy some time.

"If you've come to kill me, don't let these heels fool you" Pepper approached cautiously "I'm faster and stronger than I look."

The woman turned her head, revealing a smooth profile and piercing cat-green eyes, "You don't have to convince _me_, Miss. Potts."

Pepper's knees nearly gave out, "Nat?"

She sounded pathetic even to her own ears. Pepper set her jaw and crossed the room in strides, hyper aware of the other woman's gaze sticking to her. It was an appreciative stare, she could feel it burning down every inch of her. The older woman stood in front of her desk, thumbing through the files stacked there to find the one from the first meeting. She flicked it open and ran her eyes over it, trying not to seem nervous in front of the agent.

Her heart was like a trapped kitten in her chest, clawing and squirming as if to break free.

"You know he's in love with you" Natasha didn't bother to hide her resentment.

"Thomas?" Pepper inquired off-handedly "Yes, he was first choice after my last assistant abandoned me so suddenly. Unprofessional choices all around, I'm afraid."

Natasha bristled, "You haven't slept with him, have you?"

"That's ridiculous" the older woman looked over her shoulder for only a moment, afraid if she caught that fearsome gaze head-on she'd crumble "I don't sleep with my subordinates."

The agent chuckled darkly, "We both know that's not true."

"You weren't a subordinate, you were a spy!" Pepper snapped, tossing the file down "You were a S.H.I.E.L.D. feeler, not an employee. Never confuse the two. I had no more control over you than Tony did."

Natasha scoffed beneath her breath, "You have more control than you realize."

Pepper finally turned to face the other woman, praying her face didn't betray her heartbreak, "What do you want? Why did you come back?"

"I came back for a warmer welcome than _this_" Natasha frowned "What happened to you? I was only gone a couple of months and it seems like everything's changed. Tony won't come out of his lab, not even for a chance to gloat. Steve's been shipped off, no one will tell me where Clint's gone, and now I can't even get a smile from you. I thought you would've missed me."

"Four."

The agent faltered, "I'm sorry?"

"You were gone for four months, not a few" Pepper corrected her "And after what happened, I don't know why you expect to come back to any warmth here."

"Enlighten me, I'm lost" Natasha's voice was deceptively calm, mimicking the older woman's tone.

"Don't play innocent" the Vice scrunched up her nose, it was pure bitterness now "That doesn't work anymore."

"Pepper..."

"You left with no note, no call" Pepper crossed her arms over her chest defensively "I haven't seen a glimpse of you. The only message I got was loud and clear."

Natasha raised a dark brow, "And what message was that?"

"That whatever we had was over" the older woman gestured between them, eyes glassing up as she finally said it out loud "I understood loud and clear. You're not my first one night stand and I promise you won't be my last."

Natasha examined her closely, searching for signs of falsity or grandeur. She was surprised to find nothing but pain written all over her lover's face, the Vice looked paler and much more tired than last time they'd seen each other. The agent dropped her hands to her side, brow drawn as she tried to figure out just how wrong things had gone.

"No one told you where I was, did they?" Natasha clenched her hands into fists "Or did you even ask?"

Pepper gaped, the younger woman might as well have smacked her, "I know I can't hurt you, Agent Romanova, but if you insist on mocking me I promise to try my damnedest."

The agent's gaze didn't waver.

"_No_, no one told me" Pepper admitted "They just said you left."

"Well, you said you loved me, right?" Natasha waited for the woman to nod before continuing "I assumed being in love meant spending our lives together. And _this_ is what a life with me is like. _Me_, running off in the middle of the night to go on a mission where I spend every day wanting to talk to you, missing you desperately. And _you_..." her voice shattered, heart laid bare in front of her lover "Staying here...and hopefully missing me half as much."

Pepper's eyes were as round as dinner plates, she clutched desperately at the nearest couch as she collapsed on it. Her head felt light and her heart raced, a blush staining her high cheekbones.

"You were on a mission?" Pepper asked weakly.

"Of course I was" Natasha's voice was warmer now "What else besides my job would pull me out of your bed?"

Pepper laughed breathlessly, putting her palm to her forehead, "Oh God, the things I thought...I didn't know...I thought you just changed your mind...God, I was so drunk."

"You were _really_ drunk" the agent teased, walking over to kneel in front of the woman "I wanted to leave something behind for you but this case required a delicate touch. I couldn't risk it. I couldn't involving you with all that."

Wet blue eyes peered at her, "We really don't know each other, do we?"

"Like jumping blindfolded" the younger woman's lips quirked "I haven't given you much of a reason to trust me, have I? I took advantage of you while you were drunk, I kept Tony's sickness from you, I pranced around as 'Natalie' for months...not a good foundation for a relationship."

"You know, I was pretty fond of Natalie" Pepper smiled, _really_ smiled, for the first time in weeks "I think getting to know Natasha will fix those cracks."

Natasha reached up and slid her hand across the woman's cheek, letting her fingers touch the tight bun of her hair, "You look so tired, _edesem_."

Pepper leaned into the touch, "You cut your hair."

Natasha unhooked the pins, letting the cinnamon tresses tumble down over the older woman's shoulder.

"I like it."

Pepper's shy smile melted her heart, "I'm glad."

"Nat" Pepper sighed, letting her eyes flutter shut as the other stroked her fingers through her hair "This is the second time I've planned our life together only to have you disappear."

"I think last time you mentioned something about romantic evening I spoiled" the agent replied, trying not to let her heart-flutter crack her voice "We could try that again. I don't have another mission for almost two months."

The older woman tittered, "Spies get vacation time?"

"Couslon swung it for me" Natasha cocked her head "I think you had something to do with it."

"I may have made a call" Pepper replied flippantly, gasping softly when the other wrapped her hair in her fist. She found her head yanked back, the length of her throat bared to the agent. Natasha moved swiftly into her space, teeth seeking the arch of her jugular.

"I remember a pretty mark just _here_" Natasha mused, grazing her teeth against the spot briefly "Did it last? Did you see it and think of me?"

"Every night" Pepper confessed breathlessly, long fingers seeking the edge of the red head's jacket and clutching it tightly.

"You didn't let that worm Madden touch you" it was almost a question.

"Never" Pepper got a line of warm kisses for that, she preened under the silent praise "How am I supposed to think of anyone else after you? Nothing's been the same since you left, everything's been so dull and _God_ I've missed you."

"Not nearly as much as I've missed you" Natasha pulled back, easing her grip on her lover's hair "We still need to establish some things before we jump back into bed."

Pepper cleared her throat, scrambling for some composure, "Establish away."

"I sleep with my some of my targets" the spy stated, searching the woman's eyes for signs of disgust "It happens. I'm always safe and half the time I kill them before we get to the main event."

"I have a stupid obsession with protecting people" Pepper replied "I slept with a man who's been in love with Captain America since he was five."

"My work is my life" Natasha continued.

"Mine too" Pepper grinned "It comes first."

"Always."

"I'm scared" Pepper blurted out, flushing from embarrassment at the sudden outburst "I'm scared you'll go off on a mission and forget all about me."

Natasha just smiled, "I remember every mistake I've ever made. You're by far my favorite one."

The Vice glared, "You're about as good at sweet talk as Tony."

Natasha's smile curled into a wicked grin, the older woman shivered beneath her.

"How about we go back to your condo and make you forget all about Tony?"

Pepper nodded tightly, "Deal."

*LINE

**So there's that. Man, I'm really tired. I've started the first prologue for the Avengers re-write, don't know when that will be up. I think I'll post both prologues at the same time. I need to do an outline for it but I'm super busy. **

**When I get the Avenger fic up I'll post another chapter on this fic, Ever Fallen in Love With Someone?, the 'verse tumblr, my tumblr, and my profile page. That way everyone who wants will have a way to check it all out. Be on the look out.**

**Love it? I hope so, I tried.**

**I love you all!**


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